Tutor to Santa: wat is u r father's name.
Sanat: BEAUTYFUL RED UNDERWEAR.
Tutor: R u joking?
Santa: NO SIR! MY FATHERS'S NAME IS "SUNDER LAL CHADDHA"

Santa Banta ko 3 live bomb mile.
Santa: Chal police ko de kar aate hain.
Banta: Agar koi bum raste main hi phat gaya to?
Santa: Jhoot bhol denge, ki 2 hi mile the.

SANTA going with his sister, Some shouts "Oye, ,mashoka le ker kahan
nikle"
SANTA gets furious & slap him & says" Oye. mashoka hogi tero. Meri to
behan hai"!

An American and a Sardar were walking down the street when the
American exclaimed-- look a dead bird.
The Sardar looks towards the sky and says -- where, where ??

Sardarji is trying to commit suicide on the railway tracks...
takes along some wine and chicken with him.
Somebody stops him and asks,
Kyon bhai ye sab kyun leke baithe ho?
Sardarji replies, Saali train late aati hai kahin bhook se na marjaun

Santa Singh returned back from the cinema hall without watching the
cinema.what was the name of the cinema?
Ans:NO ENTRY

Santa : Which is the most painful delivery in world?
Banta : sunny deol ki maa ki.
Santa : woh kaise?
Banta : woh nikla gaddi le ke.....


Santa dials a number, A girl recieves the call
santa: who r u?
girl: sita
santa: maine to chandigarh phone kiya tha, yeh to
yeh to ayodhya mil gaya.

A sardar on an interview for the post of detective was asked a question -

Interviewer - Who killed Gandhiji ?

Sardar - Thanks for giving me the job, I will investigate.


SANTA : car me battery lagwane gaya, Mechanic ne poocha "EXIDE" ki
lagaun?
SANTA bole: yaar, bar-bar kaun ayega DONO SIDE KI LAGADE

The LAST BUS!!!!


Two drunks stumble out of a pub in Ireland at about 4:00 in themorning.They stagger to the nearest lamppost and lean against it when alongcomesa policeman.
The first drunk pipes up, "Excuse me, ossifer, but I wonder could youtellme if the last bus to Dublin has left yet." To which the policemanreplies"Of course it has. It's 4:00 in the morning."
The second drunk then weighs in and says, "Sorry, sir, but I wonder ifthelast bus to Galway has left yet." The officer again replies "Of courseithas. It's 4:00 in the morning."
The first drunk then starts up again and asks, "Could you tell meplease,ossifer, has the last bus to Cork gone yet."
The policeman is really irritated now so he shouts, "It's 4am, all thebloody buses have gone!"
And with that the first drunk turns to his friend and says, "Ok, Mick,wecan cross the road now."


Banta in France

Banta Singh was a business graduate, and had been out of school forseveral years. He had established a furniture store and was doing quitewell. He decided to expand the lines he carried by adding some expensive French furniture he knew no one else in town carried.
He scheduled a buying trip to France. Banta's first day in Paris was very successful and he found a number of pieces he thought he could profitably sell back home. After the arrangements were made to begin shipping this furniture home, he decided to celebrate with a glass of wine in a small sidewalk cafe.
The place was jammed, but he managed to find an empty table. Just aboutthe time his wine arrived, a beautiful girl came by and motioned to the empty chair at his table with a questioning look on her face.
He assumed she wanted to sit with him and nodded his head "yes." Thegirlsat down with him. The girl tried to talk to him, but, alas, he understood not one word of French. He tried to talk to her, but, alas, she understood not one word of Punjabi. He had an idea. He took a napkin and drew awineglass and a question mark. She nodded her head "yes." They sat quietlyenjoying their wine.
When it was just about finished, Banta realised it was nearly time fordinner. He took another napkin and drew a picture of two people at atableeating dinner. She nodded her head "yes" and took him by the hand. Sheledhim down the street to a very nice restaurant. They went in. The girlspoke with the head waiter and they were seated in a quiet corner wherethey could hear the band playing and see the dance floor. Banta couldnotread the menu since it was in French, so he allowed the girl to orderforhim. The food was excellent and the couple thoroughly enjoyed it.
After dinner, Banta took a napkin and drew a picture of a coupledancing.
She nodded her head "yes" and they danced to every song the bandplayed,whether fast or slow. When the band quit playing and began to pack awaytheir instruments, the couple returned to their table.
The girl took a napkin and reached for Banta's pen. He handed it to herand she drew a picture of a four poster bed..........!
Banta is still wondering to this day how she knew he was in thefurniturebusiness...

SOME SWEET EXTREMES !
EXTREME OF ISOLATION:Two persons sitting side by side using emails to communicate with eachother.

EXTREME OF COWARDICE:Two persons fighting through emails.

EXTREME OF HELPLESSNESS:Receiving no emails for a week.

EXTREME OF FRUSTRATION:The email server being down.

EXTREME OF CARELESSNESS:Writing a love mail and doing a 'Send All.'

EXTREME OF ACHIEVEMENT:A person sending email to a girl wanting to become friends and getting a reply.

EXTREME OF TIMEPASS:A person sending email to himself.

EXTREME OF REPETITION:
Forwarding an email to someone and receiving the same email forwardedback to you by some one in the receiving chain.

EXTREME OF BROWSING:You are swimming in the water tank and shout "F1 F1 F1?" instead ofshouting "HELP" when u are unable to swim..

EXTREME OF MY FRIENDSHIP:I always mail, u don't.

EXTREME OF HAVING NO WORK:You reading such mails.

SARDAR APNI PATNI KE SATH PALANG PE APNI PATNI SE BOLA:
AMINE 5 MALE AUR 4FEMALE MACHHAR KO MAR DALA. PPATNI TUMHE KAISE PATA CHALA. SARDAR:5 TUMHARI BRA PE AUR 4 MERI CHADDI PE BEITHE THE

. Jurassic Park
This sardarji goes to see Jurassic Park and when the Dinosaurs start
approaching, he was hiding under his seat when his friend asks him ;kyon
sardarji, kya baat hai? Dar kyon lag raha hai cinema hi to hai.; Sardarji
replies ;Aadmi hoon aur akkal hai, pata hai ki cinema hai, lekin voh to
janwar hai, usko kya pata"


2. Brain Tumor
There's a funeral procession of a sardar going on a busy street. All the
sardars in the 'mayyat' are dancing the bhangra and singing and general
'balle balle' is on. The people on the street find it strange that instead
of mourning everyone is celebrating as if its marriage baraat. So one of
them asks Santa Singh, ;Singh Saab, aapka koi sage wala gujar gaya hai aur
aap naach rahe ho?; .....comes the reply, ;Haan ji! Hai hi baat badi kushi
ki!!! Aaj paheli baar ek sardar brain tumour se mara hai!!!;


3. Photocopy
One Sardar needed two plain papers but he had only one. Do you know what
he did: photocopied the one which he had. sardar are fun aren't


4. European Closet
Santa and Banta went to US They have stayed a five star hotel. Santa don't
know how to use the European closet he dropped everything in a packet and
placed it on one of the leaves of the fan. Banta came and switch on the
fan and everything spread on the wall When the room boy came Santa gave a
10 dollars and told him to wash it off . But the Room boy gazed at it for
a five minutes and taken a 25 dollars from the pocket and told to Santa "I
will give you this 25 dollars if you say how did u do it so beautifully".


5. One more Plane Crash
Garbachan singh was traveling from Calcutta to Bombay by a plane, There
were one American, one Russian, one Pakistani and some other passengers.
Suddenly something went wrong pilot alarmed that plane lost it's control
and some of the passengers have to jump out to rescue the rest of them.
Firstly the American jumped out saying "Jai America" again the condition
didn't change then the Russian jumped out from the plane saying "Jai
Russia". But the condition still the same. The next is Garbachen's turn he
hesitated for a moment and pulled out the Pakistani by saying "Jai India".


6. A Plane journey
A jet ran in to some turbulent weather. To keep passengers calm, the air
hostess brought out the beverage carts.
"I'd like a soda " said the passenger in the front row. Moving along, the
air hostess asked the man behind her if he would like something.
"Yes I would," he replied. "Give me whatever the pilot is drinking!".


7. Crime Story
"I'm going on vacation . Could you suggest a thrilling crime story ?"
Santa asks to Banta. "Here this one is so suspenseful you won't be able to
put it down" replies Banta. "only on the last page do you find out that
the gardener did it".


8. New House
Santa meets Banta
Santa: "so have you moved to a new house"
Banta: "No."
Santa: "Why not? You advertised to sell your old house, didn't you?"
Banta: "Yes, but when I read the ad, I realized it was just the home I was
looking for!".


9. Salt Seller

Do you really sell that much salt? A man asks to a Sardar who is running a
grocery shop stocked with thousands of boxes of salt.
"No " says the Sardar. "I sell may be two boxes a month. To tell you the
truth, I'm not a good salt seller. But the one who sell me salt-now he's a
good salt seller."


10. Marathon Race
One day Sardar happened to see a marathon race.
"What the guys are doing" asked the sardar.
" We are running a marathon. The winner will get prize" replied one
runner.
"Only the winner will get prize! Then why others are participating!!"
Exclaimed the Sardar


11. 13th Floor

One day a sardarji was sitting in his office on the
thirteenth floor building when a man came running in
to his office and shouted "Santa Singh your daughter
Preeto just died in an accident" Sardarji was in
panic.Not knowing what to do he jumped from his office
window. While coming down when he was near the tenth
floor he remembered he didn't have a daughter named
Preeto. When he was near the fifth floor he remembered
he was not married.When he was about to hit the ground
he remembered he was not Santa Singh.



12.Phone Book

A sardar walked up to the front desk of the library
and said, "I borrowed a book last week, but it was the
most boring I've ever read. There was no story
whatsoever, and there were far too many characters!"
The librarian replied, "Oh, you must be the person who
took our phone book."

13.Cows Don't Fly
A sardar was walking along, when he looked up to
observe a bird flying overhead. Suddenly, the bird
dropped a load when it was directly over him. The
Sardar says, "Good thing that cows don't fly."

14.Dark Room

Did you hear about the sardar who asked his friends to
give him all their burnt out light bulbs? He just
bought a camera and wanted to set up a Darkroom.

15.Relaxing

One Sardar was enjoying Sun on a Beach in UK.A lady
came and asked him, " Are you relaxing" Sardar
answered '" No I am Banta Singh" Another Guy Came and
asked! ! ! ! the same Question. Sardar answered " No No Me
! Banta Singh" Third one came and asked the same
question Sardar was totally annoyed and decided to
shift his place. While walking he saw another Sardar
enjoying the Beach. He went and asked him " Are you
Relaxing?" The other Sardar was much educated and
answered "Yes I am relaxing. The Sardar slapped him on
his face and said "Idiot, Sab tere Ko wahahn dhoond
rahe hai aur tu Yahaan Aaram Kar raha hai. "

16. Wash Basin

A Sardarji goes to a hotel and eats heartily. After eating he goes to wash
his hands but starts washing the basin instead. The manager comes running
and asks him, "Prahji, aap kya kar rahe ho?" To this the man replies,
"Oye, tumne hi to idhar board lagaya hai "Wash Basin".

17.Three Engines

Fifteen minutes into the flight from Mankuwa City to Sukhpur city, the
captain announced, "Ladies and gentlemen, one of our engines has failed..
There is nothing to worry about. Our flight will take an hour longer than
scheduled, but we still have three engines left."
Thirty minutes later the captain announced, "One more engine has failed
and
the flight will take an additional two hours. But don't worry ... we can
fly just fine on two engines." An hour later the captain announced, "One
more engine has failed and our arrival will be delayed another three
hours.But don't worry ... we still have one engine left." A sardarji
passenger turned to the man in the next seat and remarked, "If we lose one
more engine,we'll be up here all day!"

18.Detective Job
Three men were applying for the same job as a detective. One was a
Sardarji,
one was Jewish, and one was Italian. The chief decided to ask each
applicant just one question and base his decision upon that answer. When
the Jewish man arrived for his interview, the chief asked him, "Who killed
Jesus Christ?" The Jewish man answered without hesitation. "The Romans
killed him." The chief thanked him and he left.
When the Italian man arrived for his interview, the chief asked the Same
question. He replied "Jesus was killed by the Jews." Again, the chief
thanked the man who then left. Finally the Sardarji arrived for his
interview, he was asked the same question. He thought for a long time,
before saying,"Could I have some time to think about it?" The chief
said,"OK, but get back to me tomorrow." When the Sardarji arrived home,
his wife asked "How was the interview ?". Sardarji replied, "Great, I got
the job,
and I'm already investigating a murder.

19.Guooonn, Guooonn

Talking about those days when there were no mosquito repellents and we
had to spend sleepless nights. Sardarji was also experiencing the same
every time. he tries to sleep,one mosquito comes and disturbs his sleep
with a
sound "guooonn, guooonn."
He gets very irritated. He tries to cover his ear but the problem remains
persistent. Ultimately he gets up and catches the mosquito in his hand. He
is very kind and not for the blood shed but still wanted to take revenge.
Happy as he is now starts singing a lullaby and says "so ja machchar, bete
so ja". After some time he finds the mosquito
falling into deep sleep in his hands. So he goes near it and says
"Guoooonnnnn, guoooonnnnn."

20. Urine Test

Two sardarjis were sitting outside a clinic. One of them was crying like
anything. So the other asked,"Why are you crying?" The first one replied,
"I came here for blood test" Second one asked," So? Are you afraid?"
First one replied,"No, not that. During the blood test they cut my finger"
Hearing this the second one started crying. The first one was astonished
and
asked other, "Why are you crying?" The other replied, "I have come for my
urine test."

21. Bihari-Sardar

A Bihari was waiting for his bus at the bus stop. Finally the bus arrives
and he gets in. The bus is fully loaded with sardarjis. One sardarji
orders
Bihari to tell a joke. Now, the Bihari thinks he's in big trouble because
he knows only sardar jokes! After thinking for some time he decides to
substitute all references to 'sardars' in his joke with 'Biharis'. He
starts the jokes with, "There was once a Bihari..." And suddenly he gets a
major blow on his back from one of the sardarjis who shouts, "Kyon be! Sab
sardar mar gaye hai kya?"


22. Wrong Answer

Santa Singh applied for an engineering position at DEMAN CONSTRUCTION
office in Amritsar. Reddy from Chennai applied for the same job and both
applicants having the same qualifications were asked to take a test by
theDepartment manager Mr. Arvin Singh. Upon completion of the test, the
results showed that both men only missed one of the questions. The manager
went to Santa and said, "Thank you for your interest, but we've decided to
give the job to Reddy".
Santa: And why would you be doing that? We both got 9 questions correct.
This being
Punjab I should get the job!"
Manager: "We have made our decision not on the correct answers, but on the
one question that you got wrong.
"Santa: "And just how would one incorrect answer be better than the
other?"
Manager: "Simple, for the question that both of you got wrong, Reddy put
down 'I don't know' as the answer. And you wrote 'Neither do I'!"

23. Road to Station

Sardarji praising his son who is a Civil engineer, who just laid a road
near his house. "Wow! This is terrific! Look at the job he has done!
The distance from my house to the railway station is the same as the
railway
station to my house!!!!!!!!"

24.Green TV

Sardarji is buying a TV.
"Do you have colour TVs?"
"Sure."
"Give me a green one, please."

25.Just a second

Sardarji calls Air India. "How long does it take to fly to Amritsar?"
"Just a sec," says the receptionist. "Thank you." says the Sardar and
hangs up.

26.Salary Expected

Sardarji is filling up a job application.
He promptly fills in the lines on NAME, AGE, ADDRESS, etc.
Then came the column SALARY EXPECTED. After much thought he writes: Yes.

27.Crocodile Boots

Sardarji proposes to a woman. She says yes, if you bring me a pair of
crocodile boots.
He sets off to Africa and disappears. Finally they find him hunting
crocodiles
and watch him killing a huge one. He walks over the reptile, checks its
legs, angrily exclaims: "71st and *again* barefoot!"

28.Thermos Flask

Sardarji goes into a store and sees a shiny object.
He asks the clerk, "What is that shiny object?"
The clerk replies, "That is a Thermos flask."
The Sardar asks, "What does it do?"
The clerk responds, "Keeps hot things hot and cold things cold."
The Sardar says, "I'll take it!"
The next day, he walks into work with his new Thermos.
His Sardar boss sees him and asks,
"What is that shiny object with you?" He said, "It's a Thermos flask."
The boss asks, "What does it do?"
He replies, "Keeps hot things hot and cold things cold."
The boss said, "Wow, what do you have in it?"
The Sardar replies, "Two cups of coffee and a coke."

29.Answering Machine

Sardarji fixed an answering machine at home.
Two days later he disconnected it because he was getting complaints like
"Saala phone utha ke bolta hai ghar pe nahin hai."

30. Photocopies

What does Sardarji do after taking photocopies?
He compares it with the original for spelling mistakes.

31. Photocopy

What does Sardarji do when he has one white sheet and wants an extra
sheet?
He makes a photocopy of the white sheet.


32. Free Punjab

There was a meeting of all the Sardar freedom fighters.
They were planning for a free Punjab. Santa Singh raised a point,
"Oh...we'll take Punjab from India but how would we develop it?"
That was a tough one indeed. Banta Singh had a brainwave...
"No problem! We'll attack Amrika, it would take over us and then we would
become a State of USA and develop automatically."
All the surds became happy with this very simple solution but an old surd
was not.
Someone asked him why he wasn't happy. The old surd replied, "THAT'S ALL
VERY WELL...
WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF BY CHANCE WE TOOK OVER AMRIKA???"

33. Small TV

Sardarji went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain.
"I would like to buy this small TV," he told the salesman.
"Sorry, we don't sell to Sardars," he replied.
He hurried home removed his turban and changed his hair style, and
returned to tell the salesman "I would like to buy this TV."
"Sorry, we don't sell to Sardars," Salesman replied.
"Damn, he recognised me," he thought. He went for a complete disguise this
time,
haircut, new hair colour, new outfit, big sunglasses, waited a few days,
saw the salesman again. "I would like to buy this TV."
"Sorry, we don't sell to Sardars," he replied.
Frustrated, he exclaimed, "How do you know I'm a Sardar?"
"Because that's a microwave," he replied.

34. Below 18

Why did 18 Sardars go to a movie?
Because below 18 was not allowed.

35. Sardarji's Intelligence

How do you measure Sardarji's intelligence?
Stick a tire pressure gauge in his ear

36. Hand Grenade

What do you do when Sardarji throws a hand grenade at you?
Pull the pin and throw it back.


37. Hand Grenade-2

What do you do when Sardarji throws a pin at you?
Run like crazy...he's got a hand grenade in his mouth.

38. Joke On Wednesday

How do you make Sardarji laugh on Saturday?
Tell him a joke on Wednesday.

39. Hands over ear

What was Sardarji doing when he held his hands tightly over his ears?
He was trying to hold on to a thought.

40. Retrain

Why does Sardarji work seven days a week?
So you don't have to retrain him on Monday.

41. Ice Cubes

Why can't Sardarji make ice cubes?
He always forget the recipe.

42.Kill The Bird

How did Sardarji try to kill the bird?
He threw it off a cliff.

43. A wind tunnel

What do you call 10 Sardars standing ear to ear?
A wind tunnel.

44.Back Of Head

What do you see when you look into Sardarji's eyes?
The back of his head.

45.Lightning

Why does Sardarji always smile when a lightning blazes?
He thinks his picture is being shot.

46. Shoes

Why does Sardarji have TGIF written on their shoes? Toes Go In First.

47. Fax

How can you tell when Sardarji sends you a fax?
It has a stamp on it.

48. Second One

Why can't Sardarji dial 911?
He can't find the Second 1 on the dial.

49. Dead Bird

"Oh, look at the dead bird."
Sardarji looked skyward and asked, "Where, Where?


50. Smart Sardars and UFOs

What do smart Sardars and UFOs have in common?
You always hear about them but you never see them.

51. Sardar Snowman

Why does it take longer to build a Sardar snowman than a regular one?
You have to hollow out the head.

52. 8 kms a Day

The doctor told Sardarji that if he ran 8 kms a day for 300 days, he would
loose 34 kg
At the end of 300 days, Sardarji called the doctor to report he had lost
the weight, but he had a problem. "What's the problem?" asked the doctor.
"I'm 2400 kms from home."